The Truth Shall Set You Free
by Downton Addict
Summary: What if Cora found out about Robert's indiscretion with Jane? Could this be the one heartbreak they can't recover from? Will lead up to some M eventually.
1. Truth Hurts

Cora sat in the drawing room, her back straight as a rod, her neck held high, the perfect specimen of proper ladylike behavior. Her physical body was controlled, molded to sit perfectly still and poised. If one were to walk in the room they would not know that inside her world was falling to tatters, her heart hurting and her blood boiling. Outside she looked serene and calm, yet inside she was a whirlwind of feeling that she couldn't pin down. She was lost within her own body. Feeling a sense of grief she did not know how to deal with. When Sybil had died she had been destroyed at the loss, then Matthew – she had been shocked, saddened … but this was different. The loss of her youngest child had ripped her heart from her chest, bought her to her knees in shear and utter grief, caused her mind to scream at the unfairness of it all. But this … this was different. This was another kind of grief and it had shaken her to her core.

"_Cora, I … I wanted to tell you, I meant to … and then I … damn it all, I couldn't"_

"_You are a coward. How could you have left me to find out in this way? How dare you treat me so insignificantly after all these years, everything we have been through?"_

"_I didn't see what good could come of it, I thought it would only serve to hurt you more and I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that to you"_

"_You already did. You make me sick. Get out. Get OUT of MY room!"_

She felt a shiver run up her spine as she replied the conversation she'd had with her husband of over 30 years just a few hours previously. If Sybil's death had ripped her heart from her chest then this had torn it to shreds. The scattered pieces seemed to taunt her that she had once been so terribly happy, yet now she felt the coldness of betrayal taking up residence where her heart had once been. If only he had told her himself, maybe she could have dealt with it. But he had pushed the entire event aside, held his tongue and carried on. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of his hands on her and their many nights and afternoons of lovemaking since his betrayal. Her mind tried to bring to view the image of the maid so long gone from their home. Cora had been distracted during that time, followed by her illness she had not been the most attentive employer and could barely recall the maid. Jane she was told had been her name. She hated her. She could not recall her face yet she hated her and it felt good to do so.

"Cora? Cora?" Violet's voice came across the space separating them with a hint of irritation.

"Excuse me, I was distracted" Cora apologized. She had not paid one jot of attention to Violet or Isobel since they had been there, looking in her lap she saw the tea cup and saucer she held, the tea stone cold due to her extended neglect.

"We can see that my dear. What on earth has your attention so taken?" Violet sipped her tea while her eyes bored into Cora's face. This woman had been her greatest foe for so many years, they had argued, disagreed, spoken harshly to one another, taken offense … and yet now, the years had changed them. Allies, Violet had once called them. Allies, and now Cora felt more than just allies. Violet had seen her through the greatest heartbreak of her life, had stood by her children in their trials and heartbreaks, had become the closest and most constant parent she had. Cora was tempted to break her silence and disclose her hearts most sensitive heartbreak. She wanted someone to talk to about it, someone to understand why she felt as though her entire world had crashed and burned around her. She wanted to explain that her husband had strayed and kept it a secret for years. She wanted to tell her that everything she ever thought she knew had been upended and shaken about as if by a great tornado. She wanted it to have never happened, but as she well knew one does not always get what one wants. Calling on decades of training Cora forced a small smile to her face and told the women none of the things that she wanted to.


	2. Inebriated

Robert Crawley paced his dressing room and cursed himself for being the most foolish man he knew. He had lost his wife's money, sided with the Dr. who may or may not have aided in the death of his youngest daughter, fought Matthew regarding the running of Downton ... but this. This was the worst mistake of all, and he had made plenty in his life. This was the one he wished he could go back and undo most of all. He had been foolish, lustful, childish. He had been lonely and felt un-useful and had allowed himself to kiss the maid, not once, not twice … 3 times.

"Stupid fool!" he cursed himself out loud.

He had thought in keeping his silence all these years he was protecting Cora. No-one could make him feel worse about matters than he already had, what good could come of her knowing he had reasoned with himself. She would just be hurt, angry, made to feel lacking and he did not want her to feel any of those things. It had been his mistake and therefore his burden to bear … alone. He had pushed the guilt away after some time, and mostly forgotten the entire incident had ever occurred. And then O'Brien left, and all hell broke loose and his world had come crashing down upon his head.

"Damn her" he muttered as he thought of his wife's old maid. The conniving woman had left a trail of disaster in her wake and he wanted to curse her for it.

"_O'Brien wrote it in this letter Robert … are you still denying the affair? She saw you!"_

"_There was no affair, I swear it"_

"_What purpose does she have to lie? Why would she, when she has left and with a reference there is no reason Robert, none."_

"_There was a kiss Cora, yes, I admit that, but nothing more. Never anything more"_

"_O'Brien saw this, this … maid … leaving your room, smoothing her dress and quite pink in the cheeks. Tell me Robert – what does that sound like to you?"_

"_I know, I know it looks terrible. It is, it is terrible, but it was not anything more than a kiss … a terribly ill timed, wrong kiss and I should never have allowed it, I am sorry Cor…"_

"_Oh get your hands off me, you disgust me! You disgust me! How could you think I would want you anywhere near me after you'd been with her?"_

"_It was nothing more than a kiss, I swear it, Cora you have to believe me"_

"_I have to do nothing … and I don't believe you."_

He closed his eyes as he recalled the words Cora had told him when she found out. Damn O'Brien! If he had just told her himself she would have believed that it was just a kiss … but now … she didn't believe a word he said. Damn it. He was to blame, there was no way around it. It had been his own doing, his own mistake and now he was left dealing with the aftermath of what he had done.

A week later and dinner continued to be a silent affair, Cora had not so much as looked in his direction for the entire week. She had spoken with Mary, Edith and Tom who he was sure by now had figured out there was a problem between he and Cora. Cora acted as if everything was normal with the exception of her dealings with her husband. She ignored him. Walked out of the room when he entered, and answered his direct questions in clipped tones. It was the worst kind of torture. He had slept in his dressing room and given her space. He thought perhaps if he stepped back and gave her time to be angry she might be ok, but a week later and it was the same as it had been day 1.

After dinner she had retired straight away and so Robert had drowned his sorrows in his drink. He hadn't meant to drink that much, he couldn't remember how much he had had. He sat and thought about his current state of affairs. Damn O'Brien, Damn himself for kissing Jane, Damn Damn Damn! The more he had drunk the more angry he got. He missed Cora. He missed her eyes looking at him, and the feel of her skin beneath his hands. He missed the way she breathed in his ear and the feel of her lips. Encouraged by his copious amount of liquor he fumbled his way upstairs and burst into her room with a great flourish.

"I'm here. I'm here for you my love" he announced as he stumbled into her room. Cora sat up straight and looked up from her book and rolled her eyes.

"Go to bed Robert" she clipped at him and turned her gaze back to her book.

"I want to see my beautiful wife" he explained, his words messily strewn together.

"You are drunk. Please leave" she did not even look up from her book, but she heard footsteps and then felt the bed move as he fell onto it. She put her book down startled and jumped out of bed.

"Robert!" she yelled, "get up, you are not sleeping here"

"I want to sleep with my wife" he slurred. Cora let out an irritated sigh and made her way around the other side of the bed.

"Get up" she reached and pulled on his arms helping him to get up and off her bed. She did not want to deal with this right now. He was drunk, so very drunk and she was overly tired. Finally he stood and walked with her towards the door until he stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her.

"I want to hold you. I want to look into your eyes … oh your beautiful eyes" he slurred his words and his breath smelled of whiskey and cigars.

"You're drunk. Go to bed" she said forcefully as she turned back toward her own bed. She was stopped by his arm grabbing hers and she pulled it away from him. "Don't touch me" she spat as he reached for her again, this time he held her with greater force and spun her to him.

"I'm sorry Cora. I love you" his words were so slurred she could barely make them out, running his eyes up and down her length he pulled his arms around her trapping her beneath his embrace. Cora tried to push against his chest and remove herself from his grasp but he held on too tightly. She struggled against him.

"Let me go" she demanded, moving in his arms to free herself.

"I don't want to, I love you. Oh, I love your body and your lips, and you eyes." He was wobbly on his feet and yet his grip was like a vice. She could not get free of him despite her best efforts.

"Let me go!" she yelled at him. "You are drunk. You disgust me" the harder she fought against him the harder he gripped her. Her hands were stuck between their bodies crushed against his chest. He leaned in closer as he pulled her tighter, the places where he pressed his hands into her back and sides began to hurt as he pulled her against him she grimaced as he brought his head to her ear. He tried to whisper but his drunken state did not allow it and he spoke loudly into her ear.

"I want you. You are the only one I want. I am so sorry my love." Before Cora could react he bought his lips around to her face and crashed his lips to hers in an aggressive kiss. Cora pulled her head back separating from his alcohol smelling mouth.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Get out. Let me go" she demanded again. He was so drunk he could barely stand, she wondered how his grip could remain so tight in such a state. If he would just leave and lay down in his room she was sure he would pass out in seconds.

"Cora" he groaned, she felt his excitement prod her in the hip and she swallowed hard. Oh no. This was worse than she had thought. He was drunk, aggressive, and very turned on. She had never been scared of her husband, he had never given her cause to be, but tonight he was teetering on the edge and she felt she would have to maneuver this carefully.

"Aaahhh" he moaned as he pushed his lips against her neck roughly, "You're the one I want. You are so hot. You make me feel so good" his words ran together in a drunken slur and he moved forward pushing her towards the bed. She had no choice but to move with him, she was stuck beneath his grasp.

"Robert" she spoke more gently, "you need to sleep, go and lie down". She thought perhaps if she could act less angry with him he might actually hear her words and let go.

"I want to feel you, the way it was" he murmured his slurred words against her ear as he pushed her further to the bed. The back of her legs hit the bed, and then she was falling back with Robert on top of her. She braced herself for the moment his body impacted hers but it didn't come. He let go of her with one hand and stopped himself from crashing into her before he came to lay on top of her, his body flush against hers. Cora pushed against his chest with her palms.

"Get off me!" she yelled and slammed her fists against his masculine frame. She could have been hitting him with a feather for all the good it did. With one hand he pulled one of hers away from his chest and held it above her head as he crashed his lips against hers. The smell of alcohol invaded her mouth as his tongue rammed itself inside urgently, his other hand groping clumsily at her breast.

"Cora, Oh Cora" he mumbled drunkenly against her lips, "oh God I love you" he moved his hand up to the side of her face and she shook her head to get it off her. She felt tears springing in her eyes at the emotions welling within. He was drunk, she wasn't really afraid of him but she was disappointed and mad at the way he was handling her. They had always been so in tune with their needs and wants from each other, but tonight he was so very drunk and forceful and he was abbraisvely taking advantage of her. It made her want to slap him for it. She felt powerless to move under his weight and so she stopped struggling and let his hands roam her body and his lips kiss her face and neck. She lay, impassive beneath him and when she let out a sob she was relieved to see his head come up and look at her. She cried because she felt the intensity of so many emotions welling within her. She felt powerless beneath him and yet she felt a longing for him, for the way it was, the way they made love together. She felt betrayed, she felt the whole situation was wrong, and yet so right, or it could have been. She couldn't make sense of it

"Don't cry" he begged, his voice sounded so different in his inebriated state. She had heard him drunk before, but tonight he was blind drunk. She doubted he would recall a single event of the night, she doubted she could forget.

Gently, with a tear running down her cheek she replied, "Please Robert. I don't want to do this now. Please let's just go to bed"

He looked down at her and pushed himself up onto his hands bringing his body off hers, realization beginning to settle across his face. As if he still did not understand he spoke softly, "But I love you"

Cora reached her palm up to the side of his face and he leaned against it, "I know you do. But it's time for sleep now" she said softly as she bought her free hand up to his chest and pushed gently against him to move him further away. He allowed her to move him and stood up. Cora sat up and smoothed her hair taking a deep breath. She had not been truly afraid of him, not really, but he had shaken her with his aggression and power. Standing beside him she grasped his hand and led him to the bed, pulling back the covers and laying him down. Moments later she heard him snoring and knew he had passed out. With a heavy sigh she turned around and made her way to his dressing room, laying under his blankets she curled her legs to her chest and tried to sleep.


	3. Hangover

Robert felt the pounding in his head before he even opened his eyes. The earth shattering pounding of the ache in his head, and the revolt ion coming from his stomach. How much had he really drunk he wondered as he cracked his eyes open a slit to adjust to the light. His stomach churned and he closed his eyes again and rolled onto his side to take a deeper breath. He had not seen much when he opened his eyes, but enough to know he was in Cora's room, yet for some reason he didn't feel right about it … there was something amiss … what was it?

"Cora?" he whispered, perhaps she was awake and could help him remember the blur that was last night. She did not answer. He slowly sat himself up and then one at a time opened each eye, silently cursing himself as he adjusted to the light and felt his head pound. Good Lord. When was the last time he had ever felt this bad? He could not recall having a hangover this awful in living memory. Slowly looking at the bedside table he saw a plate of dry crackers, a banana, and tomato juice. He wondered how they had gotten there, and who would know that those 3 ingredients were is go to hangover remedy . Only Cora and Bates really knew that, for the handful of times he had need of it in the past. Rising to his feet he turned to see that Cora's side of the bed was empty and made his way to the bathroom, very , very slowly.

Cora sat in the drawing room trying to read her latest novel but finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. Robert's dressing room bed was awfully uncomfortable and she had not been able to fall asleep for hours after Robert had man handled her last night. She wasn't even angry about it really. If he had not been so rough about it she wouldn't have minded all that much, and that is what irritated her the most. How could she be so weak? He had cheated on her, lied about it, and still her body wanted to have him hold and touch her. She wanted to be near him despite his indiscretion and it made her madder than anything else. Damn him. Damn him for being so far under her skin that she couldn't keep her anger aflame. She could not give into him yet though. She could not let him think this was an easy fix. She needed more details about what really happened. What had he felt for _Jane_? How long had he felt for her? Where else did they kiss? What else did they do? She wanted to know all the details and yet she didn't want to know any at all. It was torture, and in the back of her mind she had the most awful question of all … why? Why wasn't she enough?

It took over an hour before Robert was finally ready to make his way cautiously downstairs. He had eaten the banana and crackers, drunk most of the tomato juice and rung for Bates. It was close to luncheon already and he still had a terrible headache, but he was already feeling much better … well, physically. His stomach felt sick but not because of the drink. He had recalled a little of last night's events and it made him feel like he could lose his crackers on the floor. The details were a blur, but what he could remember was kissing Cora, lying on top of her, and her crying. Good God! What had he done? Could he have hurt his wife? Was it even possible? He would have never have thought so, and yet the details were so foggy and he had woken alone in her bed. Walking through the drawing room doors he saw her sitting with a book in her hands staring into space and he took a long slow breath to steady himself before he cleared his throat and she looked up.

"Good morning Cora" he said gently, he could not tell what she was feeling or thinking yet, he didn't even know what had happened let alone what to say.

"I am surprised to see you up at all" she said softly looking at him quickly before turning her head away.

"Well, I am barely up. I am afraid I am feeling very badly, which I think I probably deserve" he walked in her direction and came up to the chair across from her, he leaned against it with his hands and concentrated in breathing evenly. His whole body hurt.

"Probably … yes, definitely" she replied without a hint of sarcasm. She was glad he felt awful, served him right for last night … for everything. "Did you drink your juice?" she asked as an afterthought. Why should she even care? Why did she even send down for it for him in the first place? She shouldn't be trying to make his life better at this point, he should have to suffer as she did. Damn it, why couldn't she be more cruel?"

"That was you?" he sounded surprised and looked for her eyes holding her gaze for a brief moment before she looked away, "I thought it was Bates … thank you, yes, it was sorely needed this morning and has helped some" she nodded and pretended to read her book. "Cora, about last night … I .."

"Please don't day anything" she interrupted, not looking up from her book, "I don't want to discuss it, let's just let it go"

"But, I don't really remember and I think I hurt you and I just …"

Cora stood and folded her book closed causing Robert to stop speaking and simply stare at her with sad eyes. She looked past him for a minute in silence and then looked at his face.

"Lucky you that you get to forget" she started to walk toward the door moving past him, she was next to him when he spoke again.

"Did I hurt you? Please … I need to know" he pleaded. She looked dead ahead, and after several seconds she shook her head no.

"No" she said softly, "Not really"

"Not really? Then I did a little? God. I … I'm … Cora I am sorry …I never …" he stammered turning to face her and reaching out his hands to hold hers. She let him hold her free hand in both of his but would not turn her head to face him.

"I said No. You didn't hurt me really at all. You needn't beat yourself up. You were drunk. You were stupid. Nothing unfixable happened" she tried to walk away but he held her hand in his.

"Cora, I am sorry. I am. I don't care if I was drunk if I hurt you or scared you, or anything of that nature … you know I would never hurt you, ever. I am so very sorry." He gently raised her hand to his lips and kissed her palm gently before she pulled it slowly away from him. She looked up at his face and shook her head slowly.

"Words come so easily after the fact don't they?" she said softly, "Last night you were drunk and annoying and a little too attentive, but you didn't hurt me. I never thought you would, I just couldn't get through to your thick drunk head for a while … but this whole promising to never hurt me business, well it is a bit late for that. You didn't hurt me last night, but you have hurt me Robert." He looked at her almost confused and she continued with a touch of anger in her voice, "when you chose to have an affair with our maid you hurt more than one drunken night ever could. So please … do us all a favor and don't proclaim that you would never hurt me, because you already have", she turned and walked out the door, once clear of his sight she ran up the stairs and down the hallway to her room where she closed and locked the door before falling onto his side of the bed and drowning her sobs in his pillow.


	4. Grief

For 3 more days Robert walked on eggshells and thought of ways to try to get back in to his wife's good graces and move on from this bloody awful mess. It was a bloody awful mess … a great sodding mess that he created. He knew she had hurt feelings and that she felt betrayed more than anything else. He knew if the situation was reversed he would feel angry, betrayed and bitter. He would probably have thrown things, slammed doors and gotten drunk every night to stop thoughts of his wife in an embrace with another person. Just thinking about Cora wrapped in the arms of another man made his stomach clench and bile rise in his throat. She had never given him leave to be jealous, she had always been his, always been true to him and he had never feared she would stray. Some of their peers had fallen into affairs over time, but he and Cora had never done so. They had never had a conversation about it, but neither of them had questioned their feelings, their love, their bond. Running his hand through his hair he realized that his 3 heated kisses with Jane had done more than upset his wife, they had cracked at the unspoken bond of their love and he wondered in despair if it could ever be repaired.

Cora sat in Violet's drawing room sipping tea and joining in the mindless chatter shared by Mary, Rose, Isobel and Violet. Edith had once again gone to London for a meeting with her editor, something she was doing more and more often of late and Cora thought she aught to pay more attention to her middle ... her throat caught … her youngest daughter now.

"Cora?" Violet caught her daughter's gaze in her own and pulled her back from her distraction.

"I apologize, I was …"

"Yes distracted. We are aware dear. You have been very distracted of late, perhaps if you would care to tell us we could offer you some assistance. A trouble shared is a trouble halved" Violet's words were not harsh as they might have been even 10 years ago, but so much had happened in these intervening years and she and Cora had become rather close. Cora did feel as though she could tell Violet anything, after the Mary/ Pamuk incident she had seen that Violet would not turn on her. She had been a rock in the days following Sybil's death, an instigator in the reconciliation between Robert and herself after the tragedy had claimed not only Sybil but much of their marriage. Cora had debated turning to her mother in law for support after discovering Robert's dalliance but as yet had told no-one. She had locked it away in her heart and kept her peace as she tried to find her way through the pain of the betrayal, the great disappointment and heartache that was her now daily companion. She couldn't tell them now could she? She felt she had to talk with someone, desperately, but could she tell 4 people? Maybe if Isobel wasn't there she could have shared. Isobel was still so consumed in grief over Matthew that she would never want to add a burden. In addition she could not trust Isobel to keep her opinions to herself when around Robert. It would hurt him to think she had told Isobel. Why she should care about hurting Robert at this point was beyond her, old habits die hard. She couldn't tell Rose, that was a given. Not when her only example of marriage had been her parents strained and disjointed one. Not when she looked at her Uncle Robert like he hung the moon. Not when she so often gushed to Cora that she wanted a marriage such as hers. Then what of Mary? She couldn't tell her daughter that her father had faltered, not now that her own husband lay dead and buried and her heart ached so desperately for him. How could she destroy the image of her father as well? No – Cora decided she could not tell them, not all together, but if she could get Violet alone somehow she would pour her heart and soul out.

Another 2 days passed and nothing had changed. Robert was treating Cora with kid gloves and keeping more and more to himself. He had begun the practice of escorting her to down to dinner once again, neither of them had discussed it but he had shown up the last 3 evenings and Cora had silently placed her hand in the crook of his arm and let him lead her down the stairs. It had not gone unnoticed by her the way his arm felt comfortable beneath her hand and the almost imperceptible looks he would give her as they took their time descending the great staircase alone. It was the only time they had spent alone, Cora had continued to avoid him at all other costs, and he had not sought her out with any force since she had run from him the last time. Cora knew something had to change. It had been 2 weeks since she had found out and yet she was no closer to figuring it out.

Cora watched from her bedroom window as Robert strolled through the garden with Sybbie, pointing out roses to her much as he had done with her mother. Watching the two stroll the gardens made her smile momentarily as she thought of the gentleness of her husband, as she thought of her own sweet Sybil. Without warning Cora felt her breath tighten and tremendous grief wash over her. Watching as they made their way back inside she slid down the wall, her legs unable to hold her any longer. Tucking her legs up to her chin she buried her face into her legs and was overcome by great heart wrenching sobs. It was the quiet unexpected moments when her grief crept upon her that were the most difficult. She could usually keep her grief contained, she knew which moments, days, and situations would prove difficult and she steeled herself against them, but when it came out of nowhere it knocked the air out of her and came across like a great wave of grief. She felt perhaps her current sensitive situation with Robert had preoccupied her and not helped. She was aware her tears were not only for Sybil, the irony was not lost on her that it was Robert and Sybbie together that had caused her to be in such a state. Her body shook with the effort of her tears and she clutched her hands around her knees as if holding on for dear life.

Robert had enjoyed his walk with Sybbie a great deal. She had bought him joy in what had become some of his darkest days. He recalled the way he had done the same thing with his Sybil and it had caused his heart to ache at the memory. He could often forget that she was not simply away, but she was never coming back. His baby. It was more than he could bear to think of at times, and after returning Sybbie to nanny he walked solemnly upstairs. He needed just a few moments of privacy, in case a tear escaped, in case he couldn't contain the horror of his grief. Entering his dressing room he removed his jacket and hung it over the chair at his desk, he braced himself against the back of the chair and closed his eyes for a moment. He silently concentrated on breathing in and out and gathered his thoughts about him. As if from a great distance he heard a noise that was familiar to him. The sound of crying. He turned his head and took a few steps towards his wife's door and pressed his ear to the crack.

_Cora!_

He opened the door gently, preparing himself for the sight he might see. He hated to see her upset at any time, but being the cause of it was the worst kind of pain. If he didn't think he could feel worse then he was wrong, hearing his wife sob all alone because of his terribly actions made him want to throw up. When he stepped silently into the room it took him a moment to locate where she was. His eyes had immediately gone to the bed, but she was not there. Her vanity was also empty, had it not been for the now softer sound of her crying he would not have seen her, crumpled in a heap against the wall in a corner, alone. He felt he could actually hear the sound of his heart breaking as he took in the image of his wife of over 30 years huddled in the corner, legs drawn up, face buried in them, crying.

He did not care that he was the cause, he did not care that she had barely spoken to him in weeks, he did not care that he was the last person she would want to see … all he cared about was getting to her, making it better, taking care of her. In 3 great strides he crossed the room and sunk to his knees in front of her reaching his long arms around her huddled frame and pulling her against him.

Cora did not hear Robert enter her room. She had not supposed he would be upstairs at this time of day, she had not thought about much since her grief had overwhelmed her so treacherously. Her first indication he was there was when she heard his knees hit the floor in front of her, followed almost instantly by the feel of his strong arms around her and then her body pressed against his chest. At that moment she could not recall her anger, she could not generate an ability to fight against him. Her body needed him close to her, she needed him to hold her close and make her feel whole again, if just for this moment she needed him to complete her as he had done for so many years. So she let him hold her close, the weight of his arms around her body giving her the comfort she desperately needed. The feel of his chest against her face felt like home and she cried great streams of tears against his shirt. Eventually she released her hands from in front of her body and wrapped them around his waist and kneeled against him in their embrace.

For long minutes they held each other, Robert spilling several of his own tears as he ran one hand along the back of Cora's head and back. He tried to soothe her with silence, but eventually broke the barrier with words as she started to calm down. He hushed her softly into her ear. Gently offered hushed apologies and tender 'I Love yous'. He wondered if this was merely about his betrayal, or if there was more? Memories of Sybil perhaps? He knew how that could overwhelm. He prayed he was not the only cause of his wife's despair, but in his gut he felt he probably was. 30 years of marriage was something one would mourn over if they felt it was over. _No!_ she couldn't think that could she. She had to know he didn't actually go to the full extent of betrayal and bed the maid. It was a kiss. 3. 3 Ridiculous kisses.

"Cora" he started gently as he pulled away slowly after she had calmed to normal breathing. He had to have her know the truth, they would recover from this. Surely. "I need you to know the truth about everything; you have to know that I never slept with her. Never. I kissed her. 3 times. It was ridiculous, it was stupid, I was stupid, but it has never happened before or since, and it never will. Never. Cora. Cora"

Cora stared at her husband's mouth barely even aware of what he said. He was apologizing again. Explaining how he never slept with her or something to that effect. She felt weak kneeling in front of him after crying for so long. His arms around her had given her strength, had made her feel whole … even it was not the case, for that small moment she had felt better wrapped in his arms. She was tired of hurting, tired of the pain of her broken shattered heart. Without thinking she wrapped her arms around him once more and pulled him against her crushing her lips against his in a fiery kiss. She felt his arms immediately wrap around her back and pull her closer to him, their bodies flush against the other, melded together in every crevice. She let her tongue slip into his mouth and felt his respond in kind. If simply holding him had made her feel whole, then this made her feel more in every way. She lifted one hand to the back of his neck and ran her hands through his hair and sighed contently at the feel of his lips on hers and the way his body felt against her. He continued to pull her to him, his arms holding her close as though he was afraid to let go. His lips savored every moment against her lips, his tongue warm and gloriously soft exploring her mouth. She could not let this end. She needed him. He was the only thing keeping her from a crumpled heap on the floor and she greedily took all that he had to give her.

Robert was on fire. Every pore of his body tingled as he felt Cora's arms roam up his back and through his hair. She felt magnificent beneath his hands and against his mouth. With great effort he pulled himself up to stand, bring her with him, not letting his lips leave hers, not letting go of her. He did not want this to end. He needed her. She was everything, together they were magnificent. Once standing Robert braved the change of position and moved his hands to bring them down to her hips and squeezed her softly before he let both hands roam up her sides, one reaching further to softly trace the line of her neck with his finger, the other gently reaching up to her breast where it hovered barely touching. She pulled him closer with her arm behind his back and his hand fell to cup her breast, he heard her gasp and sigh at the same time. He let his mouth move from hers and planted it passionately against her neck where his finger had been tracing her lines. She pulled his head down with her hand and ran her fingers through his hair as he kissed and sucked his way around her neck, sliding his tongue across her porcelain skin and tasting every inch of her elegance. She moved her hand from his back to run up the front of his shirt and gripped the front in a great fist. Their breathing had become ragged and hot. Their needs outweighing everything else.

Cora felt the intensity overcome her like a great fire. Her husband's hands were upon her, touching her all over. His mouth against her neck and not chest were more than she could take and she felt a great need between her thighs. Slowly, she pushed him backward, forcing him to move toward the bed as she followed, not wanting to separate his lips from her body, not wanting to break the connection. Finally she felt the bed stop their progress and ran both her hands across his shoulders and down the length of his arms as she appreciated his fine form. She felt his lips move back to her neck, then to her ear where he whispered "I am so sorry" before he nipped at her earlobe and back down to her neck. Hearing his apology caused Cora to freeze.

_Sorry?_

He was sorry? That's it. He was sorry. Had he kissed _her_ this way? Had she run _her _ hands through his hair? So far all they had done was kiss and yet Cora was slick and ready for him. Is that how _she _had felt. How he had felt? Before she could prevent the words from leaving her body they spilled forward.

"Is this how you kissed her?" Robert stopped dead and pulled his head up to look at her face. He lifted his palm to her cheek gently.

"Cora … " he said apologetically, he wanted to tell her that it had never been this way with Jane. That it could never be this way with anyone, he wanted to make her understand how sorry he was, how foolish he had been, but he did not get the chance to continue.

"Why?!" Cora took a step back as she suddenly yelled at him. "Why wasn't I enough?"

"Oh God! You are. You are more than enough. You are the more than I deserve, more than I ever deserved" he took a step toward her, his arms stretched to gather her to him again, she pushed him back.

"Why?!" she asked quietly. Her changing tones and moods were giving her a headache; she imagined he was very confused. She didn't even understand herself.

"I felt useless and lonely and it was an error. The biggest error of my life. Nothing happened more than a kiss. Believe me, please Cora believe me."

"I want to." She said gently, taking a small step forward reaching her hand out to softly lay her hand against his chest. She could feel his heart beat in her palm and wondered if hers even beat anymore, broken as it was.

"Oh Cora" he said breathlessly as he placed his hand on top of hers against his chest. Suddenly it was all too much. The feel of his heart beat, the tough of his hand, the look in his eyes, the sound of her name on his lips. She couldn't do this, she wasn't strong enough to face anymore grief today. Shaking her head she stepped back.

"I … I can't, I'm sorry, I can't" she said softly before she turned and walked quickly out the door.

"Cora!" he called after her .He could not move. He was transfixed trying to make sense of what had happened. One minute they were passionate, destined to make love in their bed, the next he stood alone in her room. His knees collapsed beneath him and he fell to the floor, back against her bed and buried his face I his hands.


	5. Allies Then

The next morning Cora called on her mother in law, alone. She would have never thought all those years ago when she was a new bride that she would be happy to take tea alone with Violet Crawley. Cora's lips quirked in a half smile at the thought of how much things between the two of them had changed. At one time Cora had nicknamed her mother in law 'the old battle axe', but never said that aloud to a living soul. It would have been disastrous for word to get back to her about that, and so like so many things Cora kept it to herself. Now she sat across from this woman and couldn't help but consider her as more than an ally, she was her friend – one of her dearest. More than that, Violet had become a mother figure to Cora, when exactly that had occurred she couldn't quite put her finger on, but occur it had and now she felt as though she really loved the old battle axe. Violet may have a sharp tongue and a very particular view of the world, but you could rely on her for honesty and discretion. She would take a family secret to the grave to protect the honor of the family name, and Cora found herself wondering how many secrets this old lady held in the vaults of her razor sharp mind.

"Let us not pretend that this is a social call Cora, out with it my dear." Straight to the point, typical Violet behavior Cora thought as the maid who deposited the tea on the tray in the sitting room turned and left. Upon the closing of the door Cora lifted her gaze to Violet's and turned her mouth into a disappointed frown.

"Robert was unfaithful" the words came out in a rush, perhaps an unfair way to explain to Violet that her son had been untrue, and perhaps not even the case as Robert professed. A kiss, 3 kisses he had said was all it was. Just thinking of how much a kiss could do made Cora's stomach twist and she took a breath.

"What?!" Violet looked as if she had been slapped. Recovering immediately she waved her hand in the air, "My dear you are quite mistaken. Robert would never …"

Cora interrupted her mother in law, "He admits it." This rendered Violet to a state she never often found herself … speechless. Cora continued, it was out now may as well lay it all on the table, "He says it was just a kiss. Well, he says 3 kisses and nothing more, but how can I trust that? He didn't even tell me, I received the information from another and confronted him with it. He admits to the kiss , kisses but nothing else. … oh Mama!" Cora had almost made it all the way through her tale without a single crack in her voice, but looking at the shock on Violet's face made Cora even more upset and she let out a strangled cry as she reached her hand to her mouth and turned her head to the side, facing away from Violet.

"With whom was this dalliance?" Violet inquired, reaching her hand out to pat Cora's knee – true sympathy from Violet.

"A maid" Cora whispered between tears as she tried to recover her senses with deep breaths.

"Oh good heaven" Violet said in disgust leaning back in her chair. "What was he thinking? Lord above! One never dips their ink below stairs. I hope she has been dismissed presently."

Cora looked back at Violet, wiping the tears away with a handkerchief and taking a breath. Was it the kiss or that he kissed a maid that had horrified Violet? Cora should have known Violet's main concern would be for the honor of the house. Rolling her eyes Cora answered.

"Yes of course, it was years ago, she is long gone. I can barely even remember what she looks like"

Violet's eyes slanted together and she tipped her head to the side, "Cora, you are telling me this happened years ago?"

"Yes" Cora said nodding gently. "After the war, just before Lavinia died. I only now found out about it through … well, I found out, and was told he had an affair with her. I asked and he admitted to the entire event. Although he swears black and blue that he did not touch her beyond the kisses." Cora took another deep breath. Talking about it was helping, she was feeling better having someone other than Robert to consult with, but speaking the words out loud hurt deeply.

"Cora" Violet began gently, Cora could almost immediately tell that she was not going to like where this was headed. "Are you telling me that you are in this state because your otherwise faithful husband of over 30 years kissed a maid, who is no longer employed at your home over 4 years ago?" Cora wanted to be indignant, she wanted to fly into a rage, but when Violet said it that way it sounded ridiculous.

"Well … y… yes" Cora stammered, then she looked directly at Violet and gathered her strength. "How can I ever trust him again? How do I know it was just those kisses? How could he do this to me? I have never, NEVER, strayed from our marriage vows, not in practice, not in my heart, not at all."

Violet nodded her head and leaned forward to gather Cora's hands in her own. Cora could not recall a time when Violet had been so, attentive. "Cora," her voice was soft but firm, "I know you married Robert because you loved him, I know you still do … it is blindingly obvious to all in sundry … which I am not sure I agree with either, but we shall save that for another day. I have heard numerous comments in ballrooms and at musicales over the years about the terribly happy state of your marriage – for people like us that is not always the case." Cora nodded as she thought of Susan and Shrimpy, just another sad, unhappy couple stuck together. "Robert fell in love with you long ago and has never fallen out. I do not often speak of affairs of the heart as it is seldom helpful to do so, but even I know it does not exist for the sole purpose of pumping blood. He once told me that you had made him so very happy, and even though I did not say it to him I was pleased of it. I am glad you have had a happy marriage."

"Thank you Mama, but he has betrayed me now. How can we go on?"

"Oh Cora, now I know you will be upset with me for this but I fear you are overreacting a little" Cora's back straightened and she removed her hands from Violet's to smooth down her coat sleeves.

"Really?!" Cora asked in a challenging tone.

"Yes, really." Violet pressed on, "Your husband loves you. Has for decades. He made a mistake Cora, one he has apologized for, but it has done no permanent damage. I believe him that it was only the kiss and no more, he could never do that … he is too besotted with you. And the time you speak of was an awful time for all of us, I think particularly for Robert. If I recall, you were rather busy during that time were you not?" Violet raised an eyebrow at Cora and Cora saw red.

"So it's my fault?" Cora said through a tight lipped mouth.

"No, that is not what I said Cora. I am merely suggesting that men are often more sensitive than we believe them to be, he was very out of sorts after the war and you had so much to do I am sure your marriage must have suffered for it." Violet tilted her head to the side daring Cora to disagree. How could she when everything Violet said was true. It had been an awful time. She had neglected him and she knew he had felt so challenged and lost. Thinking on it now, in the cold light of day she did know he had been miserable and no doubt desperate for something to make him feel alive. She shuddered at the thought of how much worse it could have been. He could have taken the maid to his bed. He could have kept a mistress; he could have visited the upper class brothels in London. He could have done many things, a man in his position with his means and his title – no-one would have blinked an eye at an Earl dallying out of his marriage after so many years. But that was not the kind of marriage they had. That would never have been the case for Cora and Robert; they had committed to each other and loved each other. He had broken an unsaid bond between them. Violet would never understand that. She was all duty and honor and the look of the thing.

"Yes" Cora gingerly agreed, "It was an awful time. I was very … preoccupied"

Violet sat up straighter and took a sip of her tea looking at Cora as if deciding what to say next. Cora wanted to tell her to cut the charade; she knew Violet always knew what she was going to say. Placing her cup back in the saucer Violet spoke firmly.

"Cora. I am sorry that you have been hurt. If he were younger I would have him over my knee for a spanking" Cora could not help but laugh at the thought, "but he is grown, has been for a long many years now. You have overcome a great deal together, and created a strong and happy marriage. I am proud of you both" Cora smiled and looked at her hands, Violet did not often share her feelings, she knew to appreciate what she said for truth. "When compared with more than 30 years of marriage, financial problems, great tragedies and more … this … this unfortunate dalliance that occurred at a precarious time in both your lives need not direct the rest of your lives. I do not believe that any anger you may harbor towards Robert would be any worse than his terrible guilt these 4 long years."

"No" Cora said almost to herself, "I suppose it won't"

"So you know what happened, you know the truth of it. Now it is up to you to decide how to proceed." And with that Violet took up her teacup and took a long sip, leaving Cora to wonder what exactly she did want to do next.


	6. Roses

Back at Downton that afternoon Cora took a walk in the garden's alone to attempt to clear her head and gather a little perspective on things. She had not liked everything Violet had said during their morning tea, and yet her words had a way of getting under her skin and making sense … damn it all. Cora believed at this point that the kiss with the maid was not the problem, it was stupid and careless and she could even begin to understand given the circumstances at the time … well, she was more or less over that part of the equation. It had happened, it was awful, he was sorry. What she was having the hardest time with was the secrecy. She didn't think if O'Brien hadn't spelled it out to her in that letter that Robert would have ever told her. She thought they told each other things of importance, that they didn't keep things hidden … how could she trust him again? That was her problem. How to trust him?

Rose was a sweet girl and over the last several months Robert had grown rather attached to her. Mary had George to look after and was now a grown woman, a widow with her own life and troubles to attend. Edith had the magazine column and was always busy with her own affairs, and so many of those seemed based in London of late. He felt his job as a father had been done, his children didn't need him much anymore, not really. Sybil had been the one who sought him out for no reason in particular, just a stroll, or a chat about some funny newspaper clip. She had been the one who he had last bounced on his knee and who had been the last one still requiring his goodnight kiss until the age of 14. Mary respected and loved him, Edith placated and admired him … but Sybil. She had loved and adored him without question. She had bought out the silly in him when they were alone, she had challenged him to look at things with new eyes … and he missed that. He missed her. Being around Rose bought him back to those times with his Sybil. She was his cousin of course, he knew she did not see him as a father and neither should she. Shrimpy was a very good father, a respectable man … but he was in India and Robert was here and he couldn't help but take pleasure in the moments he had with just Rose. When she wasn't trying to impress Mary with how stylish she was, or remind Violet how grown up she was, or show Cora how prepared she was for her coming out. When Rose just let her guard down and acted as Rose, she was charming and delightful and silly … like all young women should be Robert thought. So it was that after luncheon he had joined Rose on an extra long walk about the grounds, during which time they had talked and laughed and told silly jokes to each other and Robert had begun to feel relaxed for the first time in weeks.

"Cousin Robert do tell me … please?" Rose asked again with a twinkle in her eye. She had asked him several times in recent days to explain to her how he had known he loved Cora all those years ago. If anyone else had asked him such a question he would have clamped up and ignored the question wholeheartedly. He did not talk of such things, barely even with Cora herself. But something about Rose had his defences down and he knew she needed to know. He also knew the family she had come from, a home where her parent's marriage was not loving at all, civil mostly, often fractured. He didn't want to share his feelings with Rose about Cora, especially not while Cora was so angry with him and they had been in a quarrel for so many weeks. But something about the sweet way she asked, and the desperate look in her eyes softened him to the point that he had to indulge her request.

"You are terribly persuasive young Rose" he chided her in a mocking tone as he led her to the stone bench nestled against the backdrop of Cora's favorite rose bushes … the irony was not lost on him.

"It is one of my best qualities" she giggled as they sat and she folded her hands casually in her lap and titled her head to listen to Robert's explanation.

"Why do you want to know? It is rather an odd request?" he closed his eyes slightly and studied the young woman trying to understand her more. He could never understand women, they were far to complex creatures for his mind to take in. Rose was one of the most complex, and yet so innocent … he wanted to protect her, as he had not been able to do for Sybil. If Rose only knew, she could ask him anything and he would do it for her.

Rose looked down a moment and then quickly back at Robert flashing a wide smile, a touch of sadness could be detected in her eyes and Robert could tell she was shielding an unhappiness there, "I haven't known much of romantic love, aside from you and cousin Cora I don't know that I know what it looks like. I should like to have a frame of reference"

Nodding his head in understanding Robert began, "Well Rose, you know that when Cora and I married it was not for love don't you?" he felt a twinge up his spine just saying that. He hated to be reminded of those times, of his motives for pursuing his wife. He had been so blind and foolish, he disliked all mention of that time, and yet here he was talking about it … again. Rose nodded and added,

"Which is why I so desperately need to know. What changed?"

Good heavens, if she hadn't looked so sincere and almost desperate to hear Robert might have changed his mind, but one look at Rose and he knew he had to tell her all of it. Despite how it would hurt him given the present circumstances. Clearing his throat Robert took a quick breath and began to speak.

"You know Rose, I think I probably loved Cora as soon as I met her but I was too blind to see it. I was so preoccupied with saving Downton and looking for a bride with money that I never consulted my heart on the matter of marriage. When I think about it now it gives me great pain"

"Oh" Rose said soflty, "I am sorry Cousin Robert, I didn't know … you don't have to…"

"No it's ok Rose. I am a grown man, it probably does me good to realize where I have come from" Robert continued, "Cora was a beautiful bride Rose." Robert got a far away look in his eyes and looked out past Rose and into the rose bushes as if seeing Cora in his minds eye. "That moment when I saw her at the end of the aisle, in her white gown, her hair so perfectly arranged … Rose, I never had seen anything more beautiful and I couldn't understand why it was so difficult to breathe. Looking back I guess it was the beginnings of love, but I was too foolish to see it. I could never see what was right in front of me. Cora left everything behind to stay here and marry me, and do you know those first few months of our marriage I behaved like a complete dolt" Rose giggled and covered her hand with her mouth.

"No Cousin Robert! You could never be that way" she said in disbelief.

"But I was" Robert continued nodding, "I was thoughtless and careless, and, well your Great Aunt Violet was not the easiest mother in law to have for a young American bride" Rose laughed all the more and nodded in understanding. "But despite the incredible change this way of life was for Cora, despite my mother's difficult demands, and my foolishness, Cora was the sweetest, kindest, most remarkeable person … in every way. She still is. She would let me act foolishly and then show me kindness when she should have been angry. She would see me off on the shoot without a word of complaint, when I knew she did not know any of the ladies my mother had invited and would be completely alone. She would arrange with cook to have special meals made that she knew I would enjoy, despite mother's insistence that it was not necessary. To put it plainly, Cora is the reason I fell in love with Cora. She is magnificent.I believe I am the luckiest man alive because I completely stumbled into marriage with the most perfect being upon the face of the earth" Robert smiled despite his heavy heart.

"But you have been married for a long time Cousin, how do you stay in love? Do you never quarrel?" Rose asked, studying the lace at the end of her sleeve.

"Of course we quarrel … that is natural, we are two very different people my dear, we see things differently, we misunderstand each other, we … I … make mistakes. The thing of it is, no matter what happens we know that we love each other. A disagreement is just that, a disagreement. It is not the end of love. Any marriage takes work Rose, sometimes people forget to work at it. They forget to be thankful for each other, they forget how marvelous the other person is and focus on the negative instead of the good. We have spent over 30 years together now, and I wouldn't trade a day of our life together. Even the bad days, because they all add up to a lifetime with my wife and how could I want anything but that. When you eventually marry Rose, I hope you will remember that you will argue, but you must always apologize and move on quickly. Do not hold a grudge, because they will drag you down more than anything else."

"Thank you cousin Robert" Rose said gently, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "You and Cousin Cora are such a wonderful example to me of a happy marriage, sometimes in the past I wondered why people bothered with marriage at all, but being with you 2 I understand now."

Robert cleared his throat and looked at Rose, "I am glad for it. I am sorry if we ever let you down Rose, we are merely 2 people trying our best. But no matter what, you can always be sure that every day of my life I do so very dearly love your cousin Cora"

"What a lovely thing to say Robert" came Cora's voice as she walked from behind the rose bushes and out of her obscured path. She had happened upon them quite by chance. She had not meant to stay and disturb them knowing how much Robert enjoyed being fatherly to Rose, although he had never said as much she knew he was reminded of their Sybil and she knew it helped him. But when Robert had begun talking about their marriage … well, it was just too tempting an offer. To hear her husband's thoughts on their marriage when he did not know she was near was like a gift straight out of heaven. She had heard every single word he had said, had taken them all to heart, and she knew exactly what she was going to do next.


	7. Old love

"Cousin Robert has been all aglow with praise for you Cousin Cora" Rose said happily chatting away, blissfully ignorant to the entire conversation that passed between Cora and Robert without actual words.

Cora studied Robert's face as she heard Rose's voice continue on; something about the Rose garden … something about the scent ... Cora was not exactly sure. She was too focused on Robert, on the way his eyes spoke to hers and the look of sadness on his face. Rose may not have recognized that Robert's expression spoke of his unhappiness, but Cora knew. She knew he was devastated by the look in his eyes and the turn of his nose, the quirk of his lips. She knew that face, she knew it better than any other in the world and she knew why it was so sad. She had heard every word her husband had spoken to Rose about her and she knew what that cost him. He was not open with his feelings, especially regarding matters of the heart. The fact that he had shared this with Rose spoke volumes. It meant he was desperately sad about Sybil, that he missed her and wanted to shower Rose with whatever she needed instead. It also meant that he was at a loss regarding his horrible mistake so many years passed now. For Robert to wax poetic in matters of love meant he was feeling vulnerable and out of control. Robert's complete lack of pretence and the rawness of his words struck Cora like a blow to the stomach; she felt a desperate need to fix it, to give him back the control and power he needed, that was always in her gift to give.

Robert found himself locked in a gaze with Cora, quite out of breath and unaware what he should do next. He had not expected to be overheard in his discussion with Rose, he had not planned or prepared for it. Now to be discovered by Cora herself he found that he had quite had the wind knocked out of him. He wanted to avoid her gaze and hide the shame and despair he knew must be evident in them, yet at the same time he could not tear his eyes away. The perfect clear blue of her eyes had always made him weak, and the way she could speak through them made him completely vulnerable to her. He wanted to jump up and gather her in his arms and pull her close, to bury his head in her hair and take in the soft smell of lilac she used as perfume. He wanted to sit across from her and not feel guilty, not feel the horrible dread in his chest that things were not right. He wanted to go back in time and never kiss Jane so that he would have never caused his wife such pain, but that was not something even the Earl of Grantham could command.

"And so I told Daddy that he simply had to have Higgins transplant the flowers to the London home, and he did and said they were absolutely glorious. Of course it will be rather a long time before daddy has the chance to see them again, but they are quite splendid and Higgins did say my idea was a brainwave" Rose giggled as she prattled on and looked around the garden. She rose to her feet and came to Cora's side, slipping her arm in hers and smiling wide. "Cousin Robert told me this is your most favorite part of the gardens cousins Cora. I do love Roses and can see why you like it so"

Cora grudgingly tore her gaze from Roberts and looked across at Rose. She was such a sweet thing, rather naïve and silly at times, but sweet nonetheless and Cora found her energy and enthusiasm very refreshing. She gently smiled at Rose who asked if Cora would show her the very best Roses in the garden. Cora had never wanted to do anything less than leave Robert at that moment. She wanted to stay with him, to talk to him, to find a way to explain the thoughts and feelings she was having and how his words had moved her. She could however think of a legitimate reason to abandon young Rose, and as Robert stood with an encouraging smile Cora felt she was stuck. Sending her husband a brief look of apology she turned with Rose and left him standing alone.

Robert considered the events in the garden as he walked by himself back to the house. Cora and Rose had gone further about the gardens, Rose with her boundless energy and chatter, Cora with a look he couldn't quite place. She had looked at him before she had left with Rose and he could not figure out what it meant. She had looked almost apologetic, although he could imagine why and knowing their current disagreement he did not think it was in the realm of possibilities for her to be sorry. She had nothing to be sorry for. Unless she was sorry because of the state of their marriage, and that she had decided on a course of action that she knew he would not like. The whole situation made him uneasy. He could not live a life without Cora, if she came to him and said she needed space or asked him to go away for a while he feared his heart would stop beating. They had come through so much, things were better than ever despite their recent tragedies and then – like a great blow this happened and threw everything into disarray. If only he could make her see that he was the worst kind of fool, but it meant nothing to him. She was everything. She was his world. By the time he reached Downton he was exhausted and far too melancholy for anyone to see him, so he trudged up the stairs and settled in his room with a book he knew he wouldn't read.

When Cora finally managed to slip away from Rose it seemed like hours later. Rose had talked and talked and talked as they had walked through the Rose's and Cora had barely gotten a word in. She hadn't minded not being an integral part of the conversation as her own thoughts were quite all consuming and she had found herself rather wrapped up in them. She wondered what Robert was doing, and if he was still as terribly miserable as he had been earlier? She considered the things Violet had told her, and tried to remember what Jane looked like. She didn't know why, but for some reason she thought she might feel better if she could put a face to the woman's name once again. What did it really matter now? She chided herself; it is in the past, years past in fact. She briefly wondered if Robert would know where she was, but she quickly dismissed that thought. He wouldn't have kept in contact, he wouldn't have risked discovery but more than that he wouldn't have done that to Cora. He would have known that a kiss was one thing, confidences shared in letters over time would have been quite another. It made her shudder to even think it, she wouldn't ask Robert about that either, it wouldn't serve any purpose but to hurt him she felt like they had both done enough of that. Cora had come to the conclusion that her reign has ice queen had gone on long enough. Yes she had been hurt, yes she had felt betrayed, yes it had shaken her world. Yet, she knew she couldn't go on this way forever. She would never be able to remain so distant from Robert while living under the same roof, and she knew the only way to avoid that was for one of them to leave for awhile … and that thought made her throat catch. It had really been that thought that had bought her to her current state. She knew she had to do something other than brood and be angry, but when she considered the option of time apart it made her heart hurt and it was difficult to swallow. She knew she couldn't do that. Which left her just one option.

Robert woke to the sound of a knock at his door and a pain in his side. "Come in" he said as he extricated the book wedged between his side and bed and tossed it on the bedside table. All of a sudden he felt incredibly old. He had a pain in his side, he'd just finished an afternoon nap, and he was letting his marriage fall apart … the signs of a silly old man. He turned his gaze toward the door but it did not open, rather he heard the sound of a throat being cleared behind him and he turned to the other door, the one that connected Cora's room to his. He had not realized the knocking had come from there, he had never expected she would want to see him. At the sight if her he felt even older and more decrepit than before. She stood before him, effortlessly graceful and elegant in her dark blue skirt which hugged her figure and belted above her waist. Her dark cream blouse tucked in to accentuate her flawless form and the perfection of her skin … she looked younger and full of life, he looked old and took naps.

"Oh Cora, I'm sorry. I thought it was must have been Bates" he stammered as he rose to his feet, getting up from the bed to attempt to gain a little composure back. "I came in here to read and I just …" he trailed off running his hand through his hair as he considered the old man she must see standing in front of her. His gut twisted in remorse.

"You had a nap?" Cora asked with a soft smile, "That is rather unusual for you. I don't recall the last time you did that" Cora saw the expression on Robert's face turn into a frown and wondered what she had said to cause such a response? Could she really not know him very well anymore?

"Yes" he snapped, "I napped. I am a grandfather … I am old" he stood in front of her looking at the floor, the window, the dresser … averting his eyes from her at all costs. She must think him old and foolish, and a cheating husband … she had come to demand his removal to London, or announce she would go to America … this was it. If only he had not been caught napping he may ha e been able to regain some dignity, but what did dignity matter when he would be losing Cora? He would grovel for her … should he just start now? Drop to his knees and beg forgiveness again?

"Robert I … I didn't mean that" she said, the hurt evident in her voice. "You are not old"

"I feel old" he said, his tone softening and his eyes finally settling on hers. If this was one of their last moments together he decided he would take in the sight of her and commit her face and form to memory once again. "I feel very old and very foolish"

"You cannot be old, because if you are old then I am old … are you calling me old Robert?" he thought he detected a hint of teasing in her tone … maybe his hearing was going out too.

"Of course not, you are anything but old." He said forcefully, adding in a slight murmur, "you are perfection" if she was going to leave him he wanted to hold her one more time. He wanted to kiss her again and breathe in her scent.

"Robert." She breathed murmured softly looking down, he took perhaps his last chance and he strode towards her gathering her in his arms, and placing his lips against hers gently. He waited for her to fight him, to push him away. He braced himself for the hurt look in her eyes and the slamming of the door. When nothing came he pushed against her lips with greater intensity and kissed her more deeply. To his great surprise she kissed him back, lifting her arms around his neck to hold him place and keep the connection. He drew his arms up her back and pulled her into his embrace further, slowly closing the distance between their bodies and placing them firmly pressed together. He had missed her. He had missed his wife, the feel of her body and the taste of her. He regretted this last kiss, he regretted doing it to himself because it was a fresh reminder of what he would be missing.

Cora was surprised when Robert crossed the room and gathered her in his arms. She had thought he seemed not quite himself when she entered the room, but now he was kissing her, caressing her back with his strong hands and running his lips across hers. She loved the way he felt. She loved the strength of his jaw and the way she felt so perfect in his arms. She did not want it to end, encouraging his kiss she parted her lips slightly allowing him access and sighed contentedly as he took advantage and slipped his tongue inside. She ran a hand down his back and gripped his waist, her other hand leaving the back of his neck and moving to his side where it slid up and over his shoulder, coming to rest against the back of his neck again and plunging her fingers into his hair. She heard him groan in pleasure and the sound made her weak at the knees. She had missed this, she had missed him. She needed him. He made her whole and she could not escape that.

"Cora" he murmured against her mouth as he devoured her soft flesh. He would not survive when she left him. He would not come back from this, but he would take the risk anyway. It was sweet, sweet torture to be with her and know it was coming to an end. "Cora" he breathed reverently as he lifted his lips from hers and kissed her neck in the soft porcelain creases at the base. He felt her hand in his hair needing against his scalp, softly tugging against his hair, her other hand gripping his waist pulling him as close to her as possible. He was on fire, he needed her and if she pulled away from him now he might explode. He moved his hands from her back and slid one around her waist, the other cupping her and lifted her into his arms. She let out a gasp and he silenced her by placing his lips back on hers and ravished her mouth with his. She gripped his bicep with one hand and tugged gently on his hair with the other. She moved her mouth against his and slid her tongue against his driving him wild. With 3 great steps he was at his bed and laid her gently down, draping his body over hers and moving his hands along the lengths of her arms.

Cora could barely contain the whimpers that escaped her as Robert lavished her body with attention, his kisses had become so intense and erotic she knew she was already prepared to take him into her in every way. He had stirred her to complete distraction and as she felt his hands trace the length of her arms and reach her hands she gripped them tight. He held on and lifted her arms gently above her head, pressing them down against the pillows in the way he knew she loved. He kissed her neck and chest and swirled patterns with his tongues as if he were tasting her flesh. She felt his need pressing against her and she gasped in rapid heated breaths.

"Robert" she murmured in need. He took it as an invitation and let go of her hands to run his fingers down the length of her body. She shivered at his touch and reached down to grip his shoulders as his fingers reached the hem of her skirt and he lifted it up, his hands tracing the lengths of her legs as he pulled her skirt up, she moaned encouragingly and her nipped at her chest in response.

Cora moved her hands to his chest and gripped his shirt, thankful he had removed his jacket before his nap. She fumbled at the buttons of his shirt, all of a sudden desperate to fell him against her. She could not make her fingers work, the frustration of not being able to touch him building the longer his hands snaked up her legs. When he reached between her thighs she growled and ripped open his shirt wither her hands. He bought his head up from her chest at her sudden removal of his shirt.

"Don't' stop" she moaned as she pushed her hands against his undershirt and pulled it up from his pants. Finally, after intense effort she freed enough space to slip her hands underneath and feel his skin against her hands. He sighed and she traced her fingernails down his chest and ran her hands across his nipples. "Oh gosh" she breathed, "You don't feel old" she murmured as he tugged against her undergarments. She shifted her weight from side to side helping him slide them down and eventually off her body. He sat up on his knees before her and she bought her hands to his belt and began undoing it. He watched with stilled hands, gazing at her flushed face and her chest rising and falling in rapid breathless succession. He could not live without her. He needed her.

"Oh God." He cried, "Don't leave me Cora, please" she had managed to undo his belt and had begun to work on his buttons when her hands stilled.

"What? I'm not leaving you" she replied before she undid his button and began to remove his pants. He covered her hands with his stilling her movements and looked into her eyes.

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm not leaving you, why would you think that?" she asked through ragged breaths. He wanted to have this conversation now? Of all times!

"But I thought, with everything, and you seemed" he stammered, his grip on her hands loosening. She took the opportunity to continue to pull away at his pants and smiled at him.

"I know you are sorry, I know you love me as much as I love you. If we never talk about it ever again and you love me as long as live then I will die a happy woman" she said. Robert could not believe his ears. She was going to stay. She was his. She loved him still and they would move on with their lives. He was suddenly so incredibly happy he thought his heart would burst.

"Cora ... "he began, but she covered her hand to his mouth and spoke, "Shhh." She said, "I'm sick of talking" Her eyes were sparkling and she had a delicious smirk on her face that spoke of better things than words. Needing no further encouragement he pushed her legs up and settled between her thighs.

"I love you Cora" he murmured as he bought his lips to her and entered her swiftly. He heard her gasp in pleasure at the initial contact and then lifted her legs up to wrap them around his waist. With the future ahead of them once more Robert paid his attention to the present, and showed his wife just how much he loved her , and just how long he would … and it was a very, very long time.


End file.
